BloodRayne 3 a.k.a. BloodRayne: The Third Reich, 2010.
Directed by Uwe Boll.
Starring Natassia Malthe, Michael Paré, Brendan Fletcher and William Belli.
A half vampire fights against Nazis in Europe during World War Two. A Nazi commandant is turned into a vampire and aims to inject Adolf Hitler with the half vampire blood to make him immortal.
Uwe Boll. His first name is the sound I make whenever I hear about his next film adaption of a video game. I say “Uwe, Boll...why?” and still he continues like some demented man who wishes to turn good games in bad films. He really is a curse, that bloke. His latest offering, a straight to DVD release of a sequel to a film that probably no one saw, doesn’t deviate from his repertoire. Yes, it’s a walking corpse of a film, and not the good kind.
The BloodRayne series focuses on a half vampire called Rayne, who uses cleavage as a way of reminding everyone who she is, in case you ever forget. Her back story is quickly blurted out before we move onto World War Two and some of the least convincing Nazis you’ve ever seen. Rayne is fighting against the Nazis straight from the beginning with a group of unconvincing rebels you’ve ever seen. One looks like he used to play bass for The Kooks. That’s right, both the rebels and the Nazis are equally unconvincing, which is the right word to use. No joke. It wasn’t until one of the Nazis said “Heil Hitler” that I was suddenly reminded that it’s set during World War Two. No joke.
We’re introduced to the villain of the flick within this scene and it turns out he’s so evil he doesn’t require a German accent otherwise that would be an overload of villainy. Well, it’s the polite way of saying he didn’t try. No one tries the accent their supposed to in this film. It takes place in Eastern Europe with an army of German soldiers and I never heard a German accent. I heard American, English, Irish, Mexican, French, Sylvester Stallone and Welsh, but no German. It’s like Sean Connery started a cult dedicated to his skill of avoiding different accents.
But to be fair, it’s an action film. Flaming it on acting ability would be a waste of time. And missing the point of it, which is the action itself. BloodRayne 3 disappoints there too. Rayne carries two swords (and cleavage! Let’s not forget the cleavage!), but uses the same right handed swipe over and over again. It’s like she’s holding the sword for someone else while they run off screen to half heartedly practice their German. Some standard gore is slopped in, but doesn’t help. Instead it hinders it to a status below straight-to-DVD films.
It would be a waste of time going over the plot as there’s hardly any of it. That last sentence probably had more depth to it than the plot. Nazis are bad and want magic blood for Hitler. Nothing else. The film goes along this line without much deviation. No twists whatsoever. In fact, instead of twists, Uwe decides to hump in an inexplicable lesbian sex scene as legitimate plot development. The quality of the norks were top notch, but why, Boll, why?! You make Michael Bay look like he’s on the ball.
BloodRayne 3 is a terribly shot movie with shaky cameras and the kind of overexposure you get from cheap pirate DVDs. The actors seem to be aware of how crap it is and act like they’re got an early lunch straight after filming. There is no logic or consistency in this film. Instead of a story being told, we are simply being presented with a mish mash of various film archetypes trying to pass themselves off as a complete film. Uwe Boll’s reputation as one of the worst directors on the planet is well earned in this case especially. Not suitable to use as a coaster.
Will Preston is a student at the University of Portsmouth. He writes for various blogs (including his own website), presents a weekly radio show on PURE FM and makes various short films.
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