DVD Review – A Haunted House (2013)

A Haunted House, 2013.

Directed by Michael Tiddes.
Starring Marlon Wayans, Essence Atkins, Marlene Forte, Cedric the Entertainer and David Koechner.

SYNOPSIS:

Malcolm and Kisha move into their dream home, but soon learn a demon also resides there. When Kisha becomes possessed, Malcolm – determined to keep his sex life on track – turns to a priest, a psychic, and a team of ghost-busters for help.

Marlon Wayans and Essence Atkins in A Haunted House

Perhaps at the age of 38 years old cynicism has bedded in me like damp in an old building.  The rot has begun and is slowly stopping me enjoying life and the world around me.  Perhaps I no longer see humour or the spark of life that makes people laugh and smile together, and my increasing age has become a weight dragging my joy deeper in the murky waters of despair.  That, or I could have just watched A Haunted House – sold to the world as a comedy, when it’s actually just a humourless, crude, stereotypical bucket of bile that talks about sex for nearly an hour and thirty minutes.  Yes that’s it, I watched A Haunted House.

I can’t recall ever sitting so quietly and angry at myself for allowing a film to play out of my Blu-ray player which contains every bigoted misconception you have ever heard about Black Americans played out right before your eyes.  I’m sure you’ll all recall how George Lucas received backlash for Jar-Jar Binks due to the antiquated portrayal of  Black Americans from the early days of cinema, with the “Meesa” this and flaying arms that.  Well take those antiquated portrayals from A Phantom Menace, increase the pace of the delivery, add in a few bitches and hos, then drop in some odd white folks starting with the Hicks (one of whom has mental health issues), a gay, and oh and let’s throw in a sex-obsessed white couple where the wife wants nothing more than to sleep with a black man (or lots at once).  Then when we’ve been as vile as we can we’ll throw in some more sex jokes but these will be rape ones (both male and female so not to offend either sex) where they like it and want more.  That there is the film A Haunted House, and I ask you what’s not funny about that!?

The director Michael Tiddes is currently in the process of directing the sequel to this travesty, and I can only assume he’s serving penance for writing and directing an episode of Fred.  Marlon Wayans is also in the process of vomiting pure bile onto a sheet of paper and calling it sequel to A Haunted House.  From this point forward if I ever see their names even mentioned close to a film I shall be giving it a very wide berth.  This is an awful film and shouldn’t even grace the shelves of any store, nor bargain bin.  I hope to heck that the studio got a receipt for this film so they can attempt to claim back some cash.

Flickering Myth Rating: Film ★ / Movie ★

Villordsutch is married with kids and pets. He looks like a tubby Viking and enjoys science fiction. Follow him on Twitter.

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