John Cena and Cesaro have a re-match from last week, Brock Lesnar kills a car and nearly a child and Titus nearly stole the show – it’s this week’s Raw Report…
The Beast’s music hits and raw gets under way with a huge pop from the Chicago crowd for Lesnar, and Paul Heyman for that matter, who delivers yet another awesome promo, working the crowd beautifully. Is there a better man working the mic in the business at the minute? We then got photos of Kane on his holiday in Hawaii as well as a cartoon of J & J Security touring their new car – this is bad news for the car.
1. Big Show vs. Ryback
Then a collective groan as The Big Show’s music hits and the WWE universe is treated to a predictably ponderous match between two big slow men, narrated by Miz. If it wasn’t irritating enough having him on commentary, it seems the crowd should be punished also. It was funny when he shouted, “missed me!” at Big Show though. Miz then attacks both men when they’re gassed out before getting hit with shell shock and a choke slam. Miz, for some reason, struggled to get out of a four-sided ring when surrounded by only two men. What a fool.
2. Brie Bella vs. Paige
This feud must continue. They continued to push the idea of “The Road to 300” for Nikki Bella, which means we have another SEVENTY DAYS of her as champion. Those NXT girls can’t come quick enough. Brie wins via pinfall after various amounts of interference from Nikki and Alicia Fox, they then beat down on Paige. Yep. Paige, the babyface, fought off two heels only to get beaten. This feud would have made more sense if she hadn’t won last week. For the record, The Bellas were heels again this week. I expect them to be babyfaces on Smackdown.
3. Roman Reigns vs. Sheamus
This, on paper, should be a good tough match between two strong performers, awaiting the inevitable Bray Wyatt interference though limited any enjoyment that could be gained from it. Being Chicago, the CM Punk chant reared its head during this match. It was a good physical match, exactly what both superstars excel at. As the match wore on, the crowd decided to get behind Sheamus, some kind of “mind games” from Bray Wyatt cost Reigns as Sheamus wins via count out. As Sheamus celebrates, The Viper’s music hits and out comes a returning Randy Orton to a good pop, after a scuffle he hits an RKO…outta nowhere. Sorry. He also no sold a post-shot. If Randy Orton had seen that on an indie show, he’d have said those kids didn’t know how to work.
Backstage, Seth met with Hunter and Steph to talk about Brock Lesnar. Hunter suggests to the champ that he do something no one would expect, which Seth took to mean, ‘call him out’. Bad move Seth.
Rusev and Summer Rae are in the ring after the break, everything he said was met with a strong “What?” Chant followed by “We want Lana”. The crowd are stupid, Rusev was awesome. He said that Lana wasn’t a witch and a snake and his “hot Summer” is so much better. Ziggler’s music hits and he and Lana come out for some bad comedy. Isn’t this guy trying to be a stand-up comedian? I know they wish to keep Rusev relevant as he recovers from injury, but this started like a regurgitation of last week’s segment. Ziggler was horrendous, and then acted like a complete dick by kissing Rusev’s ex right in front of him. Rusev, like a babyace, then beat up Dolph for being a jerk. He hit him with the crutch, then took off his walking boot and beat him with that. The beat down he delivered to Dolph would suggest he’s pretty much healed. Dolph did a backboard job to sell the injury.
4. The Inspirational Bo Dallas vs. Dean Ambrose
First off, this seems like a huge step down for Ambrose after recent main event matches. A very short match ends in an Ambrose victory via pinfall after delivering Dirty Deeds.
We get another video of J&J Security with the car. It’s doomed I tell you, DOOMED.
5. R-Truth vs. King Barrett
For some reason Barrett has also been dropped down the card, from Intercontinental Champion contender to feuding with the new comedy relief of R-Truth. Just seems to be a waste of Barrett’s talents. In fairness, it was a decent match that could’ve gone either way, Barrett wins via pinfall after a brutal Bullhammer to the flying R-Truth. This amazingly went ten minutes.
Seth Rollins and J&J Security come down to the ring with axe handles to cut a promo, generating some good heat and attempting to wind up Brock Lesnar. Lesnar’s music hits and out strides like the impressive mountain of a man he is. He teases coming down to the ring, but then proceeds to destroy the car of J&J security with axes. He swings one of the axes so hard it gets stuck in the door. This was like that scene in The Big Lebowski. He then tears off the car door and throws it into the crowd (which apparently hit a child – but he was fine). Rollins and J&J watch on before J&J try to stop him and suffer a huge beating from Lesnar who manhandles the little men then chases Rollins out the arena. This was awesome.
6. Lucha Dragons vs. The New Day
It’s good to see the talented Luchas on Raw for the second week running, and in tag team action which allowed them to display their impressive skill set. They’re a joy to watch and a huge credit to NXT. The highlight of this match though was Titus O’Neil on commentary. At first, he berated JBL for not calling the match and talking about Seth Rollins, and then he shut him down when JBL questioned his education. Titus went on a rant about how he had a degree, Darren Young had a degree, Kofi graduated from a great school and Xavier Woods is going for his PhD. This was so awesome. Titus shut down the bully. And then when JBL went quiet, Titus started calling the match and did a much better job than him. So great. New Day win through the power of Big E.
7. John Cena vs. Cesaro for the US Title
Still one of the better ideas of WWE creative, not knowing who John Cena facing is a great gimmick, providing someone of stature comes out. Kevin Owens’ music hits and he comes to the ring. We get a video package of him losing the NXT title in Japan. He cuts a promo and says he’s facing Cena tonight, but then Cesaro’s music hits. He demands Owens leaves, and despite chants of “triple threat”, Owens leaves to much disappointment. So we got two of the best performers in WWE getting a rematch from last week. Having this as the main event is fully deserved. Cesaro is a stunning performer, and completing squats while holding Cena vertically in the air was truly incredible. Again this match went to and fro, both men performing incredibly with the crowd really getting behind Cesaro. If he wasn’t dangerous enough he’s added the cross face submission move to his arsenal. Each man tried to out-do the other with impressive athletic and physical prowess. An absolutely gripping match. What better than a spring board stunner? Cesaro’s spring board forearm upper cut. Cena wins an incredible match that went a whopping THIRTY MINUTES. Owens tried to assault Cena after the match but delivers an AA and Owens runs out as quickly as he entered.