Daniel Bryan hasn’t been on Talking Smack a lot recently because of Brie Bella’s impending birth, which means I haven’t been able to give a precise update on how many f**** he gives. Thanks to his return on this week’s episode, however, I can confirm…it’s still zero.
When Bryan and his Talking Smack co-host Renee Young were discussing what, exactly, Carmella sees in James Ellsworth, with their odd-couple relationship persisting on Smackdown, Bryan effectively said it’s because Ellsworth has a massive penis. They call him ‘James Hogsworth’ in the locker room, apparently. A claim that really seems to have some length to it, after seeing Carmella’s eye line on Ellsworth’s recent Instagram post.
Strange. I always thought Sin Cara was the biggest dick backstage.
Thank you, thank you.
I’m sure he’s real nice guy, actually. Don’t beat me up, Sin Cara.
Carmella’s real life partner is Raw’s Big Cass. I’m told he’s not that worried, though, as the Ellsworth is S-A-W-F-T. Soft.
Please, tip your waitresses.
The size of Big Hog’s push isn’t the only conspiracy theory in WWE right now. Reddit user DMB4136 – catchy name – posted the below photo of Ellsworth drinking with Andre the Giant in the 1980s, where the Big Hog seems to be saying, ‘no, I’ve got a bigger penis’.
Spoiler: the photo has been pointed out as actually being NWA referee Mac McMurray.
The offending episode of Talking Smack was most likely pre-taped this week, as Bryan actually worked as the special guest referee in the Smackdown dark match between Dean Ambrose and The Miz. It was an apt semi-in-ring return, as the day after – the 8th February, 2017 – marked the one year anniversary of Bryan’s WWE retirement speech. He spoke to the Gorilla Position podcast about whether he’d ever make a full wrestling return:
“So, if you were to ask the WWE, the answer would be ‘no’. As far as I know, no. You know the one thing about this, in any form of entertainment or fighting, or sport, is ‘never say, never,’ right? I keep going to different things and I keep working on the doctor standpoint of it, ‘Okay, is there anything that I can do more to get cleared?’ and right now I’ve done everything I can possibly do…but I still look at different things and still look at this and that.”
Bryan finished by saying how he’s incredibly grateful to WWE for giving him the opportunity to wrestle in front of so many people – citing his 227 matches in 2013 “which is probably why I had neck surgery in 2014”. His ‘never say never’ comments, and revelation that he’s still actively searching for ways to return, shows that even with a kid on the way, his passion for getting back in the ring remains.
Bryan’s former Ring of Honor foe Austin Aries also hasn’t been allowed to wrestle for WWE recently, because of a large orbital fracture at an NXT live event back in October. He’s been kept on television, though, being one of the highlights of Raw for his excellent commentary and brilliant journalistic interviews for the show’s cruiserweight matches. Aries is a two time ROH world champion, the fifth ever Triple Crown winner in TNA – holding their World Heavyweight, Tag Team and X Division Championships during his run – and the greatest man that ever lived.
The latest Wrestling Observer Newsletter is reporting Aries is now cleared to wrestle backstage, and that – while not confirmed – a Neville vs Aries Cruiserweight title match at Wrestlemania has been pitched. Meltzer points out that on this week’s Raw, you could see the beginning teases of their feud.
This is exactly what the dwindling Cruiserweight division needs – star power. As great as Tony Nese and TJ Perkins and Rich Swann are, Neville and Aries’ have considerably more presence. Just like how Charlotte and Sasha Banks spearheaded the women’s division on Raw, this could be the program that rejuvenates 205 Live. A show that once again didn’t even make the Top 10 most watched shows on the WWE Network last week, reaching a very disappointing 15th place
How would you book the build to Austin Aries vs Neville at Wrestlemania 33? Tell me by somehow getting Aries to both do commentary and wrestle at the same time in the comments below.