Before last night’s episode of Sunday Night Raw kicked off, Kevin Owens got in one last trashtalking tweet to his Universal Title match opponent…
— Kevin Owens (@FightOwensFight) March 5, 2017
Sounds kind of sexual there, actually, Kevin Owens. Best leave that stuff to Tom Phillips. Who rather wisely – considering his recently leaked sexting Tomspiracy – wasn’t in charge of WWE’s social media lounge last night.
In the end, though, it was KO who got screwed, where Chris Jericho’s beard made its WWE return just before the bell rang. Goldberg hit a spear, a jackhammer and became the new Universal Champion.
Although every fibre of my being is screaming WE’VE GOT A 50 YEAR OLD PART-TIMER MAKING KEVIN OWENS LOOK LIKE A JOBBER, there’s poetic justice in this story. Jericho was the reason Owens stayed champion for so long, interfering in Seth Rollins match after Roman Reigns match, with the occasional Seth Rollins match in between. And now Jericho’s interference is what ultimately cost KO the belt in just 22 seconds. Meaning Goldberg has managed to beat Brock Lesnar and become the Universal Champion in under two minutes of in-ring action.
The rest of the WWE Fastlane card had some rather bafflingly noteworthy results. Braun Strowman suffered his first pinfall loss on WWE TV, succumbing to Roman Reigns’ push, and Charlotte’s undefeated streak on pay-per-view came to an end with Bayley retaining, courtesy of her friend Sasha Banks interfering. Great babyface move.
This ties into the women’s division’s larger story, though. Unfortunately, it appears to be a story where someone skipped a chapter.
SEE ALSO: WWE Fastlane 2017 Review
Earlier on in the night, Banks pinning Nia Jax with an O’Connor roll. The victory came from more outta nowhere than Randy Orton tinkering with your compound’s thermostat – too soon? – and according to Bryan Alvarez on the Bryan and Vinny Show immediately after WWE Fastlane, it’s because that wasn’t what was meant to happen:
“Later I find out the finish was supposed to be that Sasha would do the O’Connor roll and grab the ropes for leverage. She either forgot or was out of position. I think she forgot, because after the finish she grabbed the ropes and fell out the ring…[Nia] was gonna win! They changed the finish the day of the show.”
Sasha cheating to win by grabbing the ropes makes a lot more sense in the overall story. WWE has been teasing Banks turning heel on Bayley for a while now, and considering how well Nia Jax has been built up recently, Sasha cheating would protect her.
Banks interfering in the Charlotte vs Bayley match later on would then suit her more heel sensibilities.
Online retail store Amazon managed to book the card much better. The day before WWE Fastlane took place, Amazon’s UK website listed a pre-order DVD combo pack of Elimination Chamber and Fastlane with both The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar on the cover. Lesnar was heavily speculated to be involved in the Universal title match’s finish, while everyone also thought Undertaker would cost Roman Reigns his Braun Strowman match to set up their Wrestlemania 33 fight.
Undertaker, however, was far too busy shooting pigs from a helicopter.
Speaking of The Undertaker, PWInsider are reporting he’s scheduled for WWE Raw tonight and is expected to start his Wrestlemania 33 build. But then again, if you can’t believe Amazon UK product pages anymore, who can you trust?