Secret Santa, 2018.
Directed by Adam Marcus.
Starring A Leslie Kies, Michael Rady, Drew Lynch, Debra Sullivan, John Gilbert, and Pat Destro.
SYNOPSIS:
A dysfunctional family turn on each other at Christmas after somebody spikes the punch.
Adam Marcus is a filmmaker known primarily to horror fans for contributing to two franchise turkeys, namely Texas Chainsaw 3D as a writer and, more infamously, for directing Jason Goes to Hell, and while his claims about studio interference may have some weight to them it is the end result that a director is judged by and, unfortunately for Marcus, Jason Goes to Hell will always be the benchmark by which he is measured. However, if his latest movie Secret Santa is anything to go by, when he isn’t trying his hand (badly) at established franchise sequels Adam Marcus does at least have a handle on what makes a fun horror movie for (nearly) all the family, especially if your family is anything like the Pope family in Secret Santa.
If you are unfamiliar with the concept of a secret Santa, the idea is that everybody within a group of people anonymously buys a present for somebody else in that group and the recipient has to guess who bought it for them. Seems to work quite well in offices and workplaces but within the confines of the Popes’ family home things go awry when April (A Leslie Kies – NCIS) turns up with her new boyfriend Ty (Michael Rady – J. Edgar), who is meeting April’s family for the first time and is immediately made to feel uncomfortable by April’s domineering mother Shari (co-writer Debra Sullivan) and her gold-digging aunt Carol (Pat Destro – Judging Amy). But they are not the only characters that Ty meets as brothers, sisters, uncles and April’s estranged father Leonard (John Gilbert – Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels) all show up, each with their own quirks, secrets and grudges that all come spilling out as the family sit down to open their secret Santa presents, leading to an outburst of violence that seems a bit extreme given why everyone is there, promoting the teetotal April to question just what was in the punch and who put it there.
With the slightly wacky flavour of past seasonal slashers such as Silent Night, Deadly Night and a huge dose of Sam Raimi-style comic violence Secret Santa certainly delivers on the gore content and for a bit of brainless fun it does the job but it is also a film that doesn’t really benefit from too close an analysis as when viewed under a microscope the massive flaws it does have don’t really warrant it to be a film you would want to spend any time with. For example, the biggest and most obvious gripe is that all of the characters are terrible people with views that cover all of the social ‘isms’ that are likely to cause offence, even down to April who isn’t a bad person but is so bland it is almost offensive how vanilla she really is, despite apparently having a dark past thanks to alcohol addiction. And with these horrible characters and their prejudices come lines of dialogue that sound like they came from a writing room session that bore no real fruit other than the idea to have a warring family jacked up on chemically-altered fruit punch – there is even a clumsily placed reference to The Thing that is so hammy you could glaze it with honey and serve it for Christmas dinner.
But one suspects that this is all deliberate on the part of Adam Marcus who, despite some questionable decisions with his previous franchise efforts, does know his horror and when the dialogue finally gets pushed aside to make way for action Secret Santa is quite impressive for such a small-scale horror movie. The practical gore effects are surprisingly good, with facial blisters, spilt intestines and multiple stabbings all very well done but the edge is taken off with some very cheap CGI blood splashes that wouldn’t look out of place on the Syfy channel – surely somebody could have thrown some actual tangible liquid around on the set?
Whether Secret Santa is a movie that will become a regular Christmas viewing experience is debatable and dependent on your tolerance for low-budget horror movies. The shaky camera style is a bit annoying at first but once all the mayhem begins and bodily fluids are being flung about you notice it less as you get into the spirit of the occasion, and ultimately the Pope family are truly awful human beings and deserve everything they get, which is what Adam Marcus and his crew are trying to sell. Secret Santa is worth putting on at least once in that coveted ‘beer n’ pizza’ slot with a load of mates to have a laugh at but just don’t get your hopes up for a festive classic.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★ ★ ★
Chris Ward
