Eenie Meanie, 2025.
Written and Directed by Shawn Simmons.
Starring Samara Weaving, Karl Glusman, Kyanna Simone Simpson, Randall Park, Steve Zahn, Andy García, Chris Bauer, Chelsey Crisp, Mike O’Malley, Marshawn Lynch, Elle Graham, Jermaine Fowler, Edy Modica, Phuong Kubacki, Tim Neff, Michael C. Pizzuto, Penelope Lou, Nicolas Bosc, and Jon Elliott.
SYNOPSIS:
A reformed teenage getaway driver is dragged back into her unsavory past when a former employer offers her a chance to save the life of her chronically unreliable ex-boyfriend.
A film about a reformed getaway driver nicknamed Eenie Meanie (Samara Weaving) should be infinitely more fun than whatever the hell tone deaf nonsense director Shawn Simmons has whipped up here.
Packed with F-bombs, one minute, it’s a violent romp that mistakes a disregard for human life as comedy (it’s alarming how often characters, some of them with no reason for us to wish ill on them, are either shot or run over dead in what is played for laughs). The next minute it’s trying to unpack Edith Meaney’s (you can see where the corny nickname comes from) trauma involving the drug addicted parents that got her placed into foster homes and on the road to a life of crime to begin with, to her psychotic ex-boyfriend John (Karl Glusman) hilariously bursting into lovey dovey speeches (typically when surrounded by dead bodies) that are played straight as if they are meant to be taken seriously, to an actual casino heist of a luxury car filled with millions of dollars that is not only somewhat fun, but probably should have been a larger focus of the narrative.
At the story’s beginning, Edith has cut ties with her longtime boyfriend (since they were teenagers, when he saved her from abuse), John, going on eight months now. Well, it’s not long before it’s revealed that she broke this streak once, three months ago to be exact, and is now pregnant with his child. Working multiple dead-end jobs and trying to live an honest life, she does, against her better judgment, decide to head over to John’s apartment and with intentions of breaking the news. However, when she arrives, she already finds herself bailing him out of life-threatening danger as he has once again gotten himself into a dicey situation.
Once they escape that peril, John reveals that he has a card counter, Leo (Randall Park), stashed away in a crate (with holes poked into it for breathing) somewhere off the beaten path. For reasons that are contrived and would take too long to properly get into (at least half this movie is setting up that Edith and John will have to pull off one last getaway driving gig), it turns out a mess needs to be cleaned up, connecting back to Andy Garcia’s Nick, a career-criminal who wants the job finished. Naturally, they are given a crew to work alongside. There is also a chance that NFL All-Star turned hilarious actor Marshawn Lynch, as a facially scarred rival who becomes the butt of several lazy Freddy Krueger jokes, knows about the job and could be planning to intervene for personal gain.
Aside from aimlessly and boringly drifting through excessive exposition and setup, it’s just unclear what Shawn Simmons wants to do here. There is a somber reconnection with Edith’s father (Steve Zahn), now in a wheelchair, that is welcome but ultimately doesn’t mean much, since, even if Eenie Meanie is, at its core, a film about cutting ties with the people responsible for ruining the eponymous character’s life (in the case of John, he repeatedly throws it into disarray despite his genuine love for her), the characterization is hollow.
Worse, there is no handle on the punkish tone, which then jumps into the heist itself while trying (and failing) to generate an emotional investment into both the survival of Edith and John and the fate of their relationship. The car chase itself is mildly entertaining and seemingly accomplished somewhat practically, but leads to a comical, shoulder-shrug of a resolution to the rest of the story.
If this is meant to be a human story, Shawn Simmons has failed; it’s all too ridiculous, cartoonish, and slapped together with parts of the story that never coalesce into a whole, meaningfully informing one another. It’s also taking itself far too seriously to function as a goofy retro action flick. That leaves the heist as the only worthwhile aspect here, which is maybe 15 minutes of the running time. Eenie Meanie Miney No.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder
