Anghus Houvouras with this week’s disappointments from the entertainment world…
This week’s big controversy: Will the villain in Aquaman be Black Manta or Ocean Master? The answer: Yes. It will be one of those two. I haven’t read a thing about the Aquaman movie (other than Jason Momoa’s casting) and I could have told you one of these two guys would be the villain. Because those are the only two villains Aquaman has. You have a 50/50 shot of being right with either one. And to be honest, it doesn’t even matter because it’s Aquaman: The Ringo of the superhero world. Actually, that might be giving Aquaman too much credit. He’s the Pete Best of the superhero world. And this so-called controversy reminds me of another famous Brit band. Remember when you heard a 50-year-old member of the Rolling Stones was in a relationship with an 18-year-old? It seemed so scandalous. Then you discovered it was Bill Wyman. If it was Mick Jagger or Keith Richards it might have been worth a mention. But who really cares what Bill Wyman is doing? That’s Aquaman. He’s the bass player of the Justice League. The barely-worth-mentioning superhero who got WAY too much attention this week for the least surprising spoiler ever.
What’s that you say? Aquaman, the underwater superhero, will be fighting one his two villains who also spends 99% of their time underwater?!?! That’s some damn fine reporting there, internet.
That’s a great start. Now can someone get Ridley Scott to apologize for Exodus: Gods and Kings. Not for ‘whitewashing’. Just for it being terrible. Speaking of things Ridley Scott should be apologizing for…
How is it possible that we live in a world where something as terrible as Prometheus gets more sequels? Is there any studio in Hollywood brave enough to start shutting down sequels to terrible movies?
I’m not sure how I feel about this. Obviously shutting down all this nonsense about a follow-up to 2015’s most maligned movie is a marvelous mercy killing… but I haven’t seen Deadpool yet. We live in a strange time where sequels are rubber stamped with no consideration given to the performance of the first one… which is how we got Fantastic Four 2 on the release calendar in the first place. Do studios really need to plan this far in advance? Hold on, let me rephrase. Do studios that aren’t wholly owned Disney subsidiaries need to plan this far in advance? Speaking of ‘Disney owned subsidiaries’…
**WARNING – POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW**
Seriously John Williams? Could you have chosen something more subtle than “The theme from the part of the movie where you learn Kylo Ren is Han Solo’s son”? It’s like you’re not even trying.
See you next week.
Anghus Houvouras is a North Carolina based writer and filmmaker and the co-host of Across the Pondcast. Follow him on Twitter.