Infernal, 2015.
Directed by Bryan Coyne.
Starring Andy Ostroff, Heather Adair, Alyssa Koerner, Jose Rosete and Noelle Bruno.
SYNOPSIS:
A young married couple notice their daughter begin to behave strangely and weird things start to happen around the house.
Infernal is the result of what happens when you own a video camera and have seen The Omen, The Amityville Horror and The Lords of Salem far too many times and decide to have a go yourself. The basic plot is this – a young couple named Nathan (Andy Ostroff) and Sophia (Heather Adair) decide to get married when Sophia discovers she is pregnant. Eight years later, Sophia and Nathan notice that their daughter Imogene (Alyssa Koerner) is a little socially awkward and brushes her hair a lot while looking at video cameras that seem to be turned on everywhere they go, so naturally they go to a therapist who tells them to monitor their daughter and note down any odd behaviour. Then, Imogene brushes her hair some more, Nathan swears a lot and falls out with his friends while Sophia spouts self-help quotes and a small demon with hands like the Predator sneaks out of Imogene’s bedroom cupboard at night and pats her on the head – that isn’t sarcasm, it really does – and laughs like Chewbacca speaking through a voice changer. A priest turns up (of course) and paraphrases Lance Henriksen in Damien: Omen II about “knowing who you are” before disappearing, and then something happens that is, frankly, absurd and the film ends… eventually.
Infernal is one of those films of which there is absolutely nothing positive to say about because absolutely nothing about it works. It isn’t just bad – it’s not even comically bad – but it’s a totally depressing and vacuous film with poor performances, a dire script, incoherent plot and the sort of characters you would go out of your way to avoid if you knew them in real life. The opening scene is a dead giveaway of what the following 95 minutes hold as what looks and sounds like 1970s-style dubbing informs us that Sophia is a woman with beliefs – she’s sat right next to a huge crucifix to hammer home the point – and wants to marry Nathan because she is pregnant. After thinking about it – because he has to decide whether it’s a good thing or not, obviously – Nathan and Sophia embrace while there’s a really strange thunderclap, the house shakes and the crucifix turns upside down (right next to her head but she doesn’t notice that). It’s an odd scene, devoid of all the joy and emotion that a couple deciding to get married should evoke, and from then on in it only gets worse.
Hard to decide who is the worse character – Nathan for being a swearing, flip-flopping (as Sophia calls him) deadbeat or Sophia for being a sappy, New Age wannabe (“I own this phrase” – oh please!) with the residue of her mother’s religious beliefs. Or perhaps it’s Imogene, the evil child with the devil in her whose worst sin is brushing her hair far too often and sleepwalking. We find out why she brushes her hair so much, and if you’ve seen The Omen then you’ll know why hair plays such a major part because, like Damien, she has the mark of the beast, but this revelation (!) is delivered with about as much terror and suspense as an episode of Scooby-Doo, only less entertaining. Normally in an evil child film the child in question actually does something to invoke fear but Imogene does absolutely nothing to warrant her grandmother bringing a priest to the house, especially one that can diagnose whatever Bryan Coyne thinks he’s shown us but actually hasn’t within 30 seconds of seeing Imogene.
Of course, Infernal is shot in the found footage style and the characters have to find flimsy reasons to keep on filming so there are a lot of painful dialogue scenes that involve Nathan and Sophia arguing about what is the best way to approach the problems that Imogene shows no evidence of actually having, and then somebody will notice there’s a camera on. It’s not inventive, it doesn’t really serve the plot in any way as nobody seems that bothered about looking at any of the footage that is supposedly catching Gollum tip-toeing through Imogene’s bedroom and would rather shout about all of the terrible things that have been suggested but haven’t been shown. Maybe Bryan Coyne should have waited until he had a budget to make a film with first… and an original idea while he’s at it.
Infernal gets one star for the sense of relief that the closing credits brought (and because it has to have a rating). Other than that, it’s a total waste of time that even hardcore found footage completists are going to question the validity of. Avoid at all costs.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★
Chris Ward
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL18yMRIfoszEaHYNDTy5C-cH9Oa2gN5ng&v=8k_v0cVxqEY
