Red Stewart presents five of the worst moments in Bayformers…
We know, we know, at this point in pop culture and cinematic history it’s low hanging fruit. Picking on action director Michael Bay’s five Transformers films, colloquially referred to as “Bayformers,” is one of the easiest things any individual or amateur critic can do.
But, can you really blame the hate? Considering the comics, animated serials, and even Bumblebee proved you could tell a story about giant robots interacting with humans without crass humor, idiotic dialogue, or poorly-framed action beats, it’s a shame these movies were ever successful. Here are the five worst scenes in them (and if you’d prefer a video version of this article, you can find it at the bottom of the post)…
#5. Megatron’s Suicidal Pep Talk – Dark of the Moon
Though his redesign and grey colour scheme in the first Transformers earned a mixed response, there is no denying that he was still a threat to be reckoned with. During the final fight, he was more than capable of fighting Optimus Prime and the other Autobots, tearing Jazz in half during one of the more harrowing scenes.
Well, apparently Bay forgot about his power-level in the third entry Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Portrayed as weak, decrepit, and smoldering away, he is pathetic, content to let Sentinel Prime do whatever he wants.
That is, until Sam’s new girlfriend, Carly Spencer, decides to convince him to attack the Sentinel for no logical reason. And what does the big bad Decepticon do? He lets a little human manipulate him into essentially committing suicide, first with an assault on Sentinel and then a wannabe brawl against Optimus. Just a sad fall from grace.
#4. Mudflap and Skids – Revenge of the Fallen
We thought that alien soldiers were supposed to be like, well, alien soldiers. So why are two of them acting like stereotypical versions of African Americans from the 1990s? Yeah, we have no idea. That was Mudflap and Skids, two Autobots introduced in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as allies against the Decepticons.
It’d be one thing if this was some attempt at parody, but no – it’s played straight. And considering the screenwriters themselves didn’t know why this happened, we’re inclined to call them terrible as a result of bad planning and brainstorming.
#3. Deep Wang – Dark of the Moon
If you have seen Community or The Hangover films, you know that Ken Jeong can be funny. Unfortunately, none of his talents were put to the test in Dark of the Moon, wherein he is depicted as a ridiculous caricature who somehow knows about the secret plans of the Decepticons.
In one of the more embarrassing scenes, he tracks Shia LaBeouf to the bathroom and knocks him into a stall. Locking it behind him, he then proceeds to stand-up and pull his pants down, whilst talking about “deep wang”. Yeah, we didn’t realize mock sexual assault was meant to be humorous.
#2. Shia Screaming at the Guard – Dark of the Moon
Say what you want about Shia, but the man was a good actor before he went off the deep end. His performances in the first two Transformers films (as well as Disturbia for that matter) were grounded – he played a relatable high school-turned college kid trying to make it through life, very well.
Then he snapped, and in by the third movie, he stopped caring. This is depicted most notably during a scene where he tries to drive through a guard gate, only for his car to get damaged by the rail. His response? Start screaming and attack the security guard. What were they thinking?
#1. Robot Testicles – Revenge of the Fallen
We do not know how Transformers are born and we honestly do not care. It is one of those questions in pop media that devoted fans may be interested in finding out, but general audiences would be better off not knowing.
Well, thanks to Michael Bay, the cinematic versions of the Transformers were given a definitive answer in Revenge of the Fallen: straight-up conventional animal-style breeding. How do we know this? Well, in yet another disgusting scene from the film, we see actor John Turturro hide behind a Decepticon and his giant, swinging wrecking ball testicles. Sigh.
What are your worst moments from Michael Bay’s Transformers movies? Let us know on our social channels @flickeringmyth…