Red One, 2024.
Directed by Jake Kasdan.
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, J.K. Simmons, Lucy Liu, Kiernan Shipka, Bonnie Hunt, Kristofer Hivju, Nick Kroll, Wesley Kimmel, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Wyatt Hunt, Lanz Duffy, Marc Evan Jackson, Ashleigh Domangue, Cody Easterbrook, Jon Rudnitsky, and Morla Gorrondona.
SYNOPSIS:
After Santa Claus (codename: Red One) is kidnapped, the North Pole’s Head of Security must team up with the world’s most infamous bounty hunter in a globe-trotting, action-packed mission to save Christmas.
Despite Red One essentially being a Santa Claus rescue mission, it is surprisingly more of a clichéd superhero-type movie than a Christmas one. That’s especially strange considering the prologue sets up a plot point about degenerate gambler and hacker Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans taking yet another questionable acting gig seemingly beneath him) where, as a child (Wyatt Hunt), he ruined the magic of Christmas for his cousins, showing them where the presents were hidden and explaining that Saint Nicholas was a made up story from adults.
So when Jack inevitably is forced to team with Saint Nick’s (J.K. Simmons, convincing enough as a buff elderly Santa Claus and the only actor here who doesn’t come across as cringe playing this fantastical material straight) private bodyguard Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson, someone one expects to be in big-budget whiffs such as this) and learns of not only that jolly old round fellow delivering gifts and spreading Christmas cheer but an entire special forces team for handling cases involving mythological persons, it’s jarring that he immediately accepts this as reality. Whatever Christmas cheer and spirit is supposed to be here is sucked into that formulaic vortex.
Perhaps it’s too much to expect director Jake Kasdan (working with a script from Chris Morgan and a story conceived by Hiram Garcia) to care about anything established about these characters. This is an expensive film slathered in CGI, and not only during the action sequences, to the point where the special-effects team was clearly spread so thin that they didn’t have the manpower (and possibly the time) to make any of it look remotely visually appealing.
Everything here looks blurry, sludgy, and washed out, which also works against whatever response the movie tries to elicit. Its attempts at blockbuster action-packed spectacle are weightless. Meanwhile, fantasy characters such as anthropomorphic bodyguard polar bears, North Pole trolls, and violent snowmen are a cross between generic and lacking a magical spark or personality to make them aesthetically and characteristically interesting.
That’s not to say the script is devoid of imagination. The filmmakers are certainly trying to be playful and to implement as many spins on Saint Nick mythology as they can (and presumably set up spinoff movies, considering this is an entire universe where fictional characters such as The Headless Horseman also exist), but it results in a bizarre assemblage of superhero movie tropes and several side quests and plot points that are either generic or feel blatantly stolen from other famous characters (Callum has a gadget that allows him to shrink himself or enlarge toys to be used as weapons/vehicles, as if The Rock is fuming he missed out on the chance to play Ant-Man.)
While this (shockingly) doesn’t feel like rock-bottom for Dwayne Johnson, it is presumably more painful than an actual Rock Bottom square in the middle of a wrestling ring listening to the overly straightfaced serious dialogue he delivers about saving Santa Claus and Christmas or losing his Christmas spirit. This is the first year that the Naughty List is longer than the ones reserved for well-behaved children, but he is also disappointed in how selfish and mean-spirited adults have become. Again, such motivations for all characters completely disappear roughly 20 minutes into the movie, devolving into a hollow, empty spectacle. These speeches usually come opposite Chris Evans’ Jack, who is meant to be a vessel for the audience to be in “shock” at whatever the movie throws out next.
Jack is also saddled with some family drama as an absentee father to young Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), who wants his dad to be present in his life more, even if he doesn’t know how to (or feel he should have to) express that. Since Jack becomes entangled in a globetrotting race-against-time rescue mission (there are portals inside toy stores for fast travel), missing a pageant his son participates in becomes more likely by the minute. None of this fits inside the fantastical extravaganza Red One is desperately trying to entertain as, and it’s also somewhat unforgivable as a family-friendly plot element; it’s paint-by-numbers family drama.
As for what Saint Nick’s kidnappers are trying to accomplish, that is one of the more mildly intriguing elements, thanks to Kiernan Shipka chewing some scenery as a witchy villain. It’s also a somewhat refreshingly original concept for a plan Thanos would probably approve of. Again, Red One has no shortage of creative ideas, but they don’t coalesce into anything dazzling, exciting, or compelling. The film is so indebted to CGI that nothing feels real or worth investing in. It’s also unsurprising that the one primarily practical-effects-driven fantastical character here (Kristofer Hivju’s Krampus) is one of the only exceptions. Even some of the action briefly comes alive at a beach resort, simply because it’s a real place and offers more freedom to play with fight choreography. Then again, why these characters go to such an area in a supposed Christmas movie is baffling.
Most unsettling is the feeling that the filmmakers and studio behind Red One are aware of this, choosing to screen the film for press in 4DX, presumably hoping to distract critics from how visually ghastly everything on-screen looks. That said, there is a mild amount of respectable ambition here that, bluntly, goes sideways and down under. Having solid ideas to twist around mythology is a decent starting point, but relying on excessive CGI, a laughably asinine self-serious tone for a movie about rescuing Santa Claus from an evil witch, led by charisma-zapped performances Chris Evans and Dwayne Johnson, sinks that sliver of promise like a flying sled crashing into some poor bastard’s home. None of that matters if the film doesn’t have any real spirit.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder is a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association and the Critics Choice Association. He is also the Flickering Myth Reviews Editor. Check here for new reviews, follow my Twitter or Letterboxd, or email me at MetalGearSolid719@gmail.com
