In which Gerry Hayes keeps his distance for fear of colossal, monkey onanists… King Kong, 2005. Directed by Peter Jackson. Starring Jack Black, Naomi Wattsm Adrien Brody. Written by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson. Peter Jackson takes another fourteen hours of my life. At least that’s what it felt like. Eighth wonder of the […]
I Sat Through That? #18 – Hot Fuzz (2007)
In which Gerry Hayes dons mirror sunglasses so people can’t see when he falls asleep… Hot Fuzz, 2007. Directed by Edgar Wright. Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Jim Broadbent, Olivia Colman, Paddy Considine, dozens of other British actors who you know and love and have seen in countless other films and TV shows. Written by […]
I Sat Through That? #10 – The Break Up (2006)
In which Gerry Hayes wishes he’d stayed at home and argued with his wife for two hours as it would have been less stressful… The Break Up, 2006. Directed by Peyton Reed. Starring Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston. Screenplay by Jeremy Garelick and Jay Lavender. Take one gritty, depressing, kitchen-sink drama, light it a little more […]
I Sat Through That? #8 – M. Night Shyamalan
In which Gerry Hayes wonders just who it is that keeps giving money to M. Night Shyamalan… M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN Something a little different this week. Last week, as I bitched and moaned about Unbreakable, I noted that I could do a series on the films of M. Night Shyamalan. I won’t subject you to […]
I Sat Through That? #7 – Unbreakable (2000)
In which Gerry Hayes feels a strong urge to break something… Unbreakable, 2000. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Wright Penn. Written by M. Night Shyamalan. Right, let’s get this out of the way first: I liked The Sixth Sense. There… happy? I thought it was a, mostly, well […]
I Sat Through That? #6 – Planet of the Apes (2001)
In which Gerry Hayes dons a ‘Trading Places’ ape-suit and prepares for some musky monkey-loving. Planet Of The Apes, 2001. Directed by Tim Burton. Starring Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Paul Giamatti, Michael Clarke Duncan and Estella Warren. Special make-up and effects by Rick Baker. Relax, nerds, it’s the remake. Take a puff […]
I Sat Through That? #5 – Castaway (2000)
In which Gerry Hayes rolls up his trouser-legs and paddles on the shores of FedEx Island… Castaway, 2000. Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Starring Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt, A. Volleyball. Written by William Broyles, Jr. Astonishingly, the story goes that FedEx were reluctant to have their brand used in this film (didn’t like the idea that […]
I Sat Through That #4 – Meet The Parents (2000)
In which Gerry Hayes considers Meet The Parents and punches himself in the face again and again and again… Meet The Parents, 2000. Directed by Jay Roach. Starring Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Teri Polo. Screenplay by Greg Glienna. Gah! Nooo! How can one film have so much bad in it? Please, why do you […]
I Sat Through That? #3 – I, Robot (2004)
In which Gerry Hayes dons his Converse All-Stars (vintage 2007), pops some Stevie Wonder on the JVC and copes with his crippling fear of product placement. I, Robot, 2004. Directed by Alex Proyas. Starring Will Smith, Bridget Moynahan and that squidgy bloke from Firefly as a shiny robot. Written by Jeff Vintar and Akiva Goldsman […]
I Sat Through That? #2 – The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
In which Gerry Hayes wants to believe it can be better than this… The X Files: I Want To Believe, 2008. Directed by Chris Carter. Written by Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz. Starring David Duchovny, the lovely Gillian Anderson, Billy Connolly, Amanda Peet, X to the Z. Full disclosure: In common with many men who […]
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