Tony Black with the top five moments from the fifth episode of Game of Thrones season 7…
1 – GENDRY!
It’s about time! By now he should have circumnavigated Planetos and be deserving of medals but whaddya know, Gendry ‘chiselled bastard son of flabby King Robert’ Baratheon went back to King’s Landing and under the nose of the Lannister’s spent a few years making a big fuck off hammer! You get a real surrogate father/son vibe between Gendry & Davos once they meet and by the end you’ll be surprised at how easily this chap slots back into the game. Long may he stick around!
2 – TYRION POPS OUT TO KING’S LANDING
Going somewhere in Westeros is now equivalent to popping to the shops for a loaf, whereas a few seasons ago Tyrion heading down for a secret rendezvous with his estranged brother Jaime would have taken a season & half and probably a few kidnappings in between! Nonetheless it was a great moment putting these two back together after years & let’s hope Tyrion can keep talking some sense into Jaime – because he’s gonna need it!
3 – BRANDON WARG
Bran aka Hal the sentient computer has given up on even talking to people now, so away with the fairies he’s gone – or should that be ravens? Powerful enough now to warg into an entire raven fleet, he swiftly flies off beyond the Wall (neatly making the Three Eyed Raven’s prophecy come true) and spots the biggest fucking army of the dead you can imagine heading for the Wall, before a quick stare down with the Night King. Cool, chilling, add your own cold based adjective.
4 – TARLYS, YOU’RE FIRED!
To be fair, we all expected Sam Tarly to end up facing his gravel voiced, horrible bully father Randyll again after he knicked his dad’s Valryian steel sword, but it’s not meant to be! Randyll & hilariously named son Dickon (stop laughing Bronn!) ended up examples of Daenerys’ iron will when they refused to change their names to Ben D. Knee, burned alive by her dragon. Noble as Randyll might have been, he was still a cock end, so I can’t say I’m sorry, but bit of a shame for Dickon, who seemed quite nice underneath.
5 – #SQUAD
Let’s be honest, Jon Snow is the Tony Stark of Westeros (with maybe Beric Dondarrion as his Captain America), and has assembled his own Avengers lineup to cross the Wall and capture a Wight a.k.a. fight that massive fucking army Bran saw. There’s the Hound (the Hulk), Tormund (Thor), Gendry (Hawkeye), Jorah (Falcon) and Thoros of Myr (The Vision!). Let’s let Davos be Nick Fury and you’ve got one hell of a squad there. Surely they can’t fail? If it wasn’t Game of Thrones…
HONOURABLE MENTION – GILLY LEARNING THE TRUTH ABOUT JON’S PARENTAGE
And all the time we thought Sam would be the one to dig up the earth shattering information in the Citadel!