Accidental Texan, 2024.
Directed by Mark Lambert Bristol.
Starring Rudy Pankow, Thomas Haden Church, Carrie-Anne Moss, Bruce Dern, Julio Cesar Cedillo, Brad Leland, AnnaClare Hicks, Jennifer Griffin, Sarah J. Bartholomew, Elizabeth Maxwell, Jake Ryan, Luis Olmeda, David DeLao, Selase Botchway, Mark Nutter, Carlton Caudle, Jessica Irvine Drake, Jack Leblond, Ashley Ella Park, Brian Villalobos, and Coy Sevier.
SYNOPSIS:
Erwin finds himself stranded in Texas, where he’s taken under the wing of a nearly bankrupt oil driller Merle. They set off on a wild adventure to outwit a corrupt oil company to hit pay dirt before Merle’s dreams are foreclosed.
For a film grounded by serious drama about a licensing dispute over oil drilling and father/son baggage, Accidental Texan is determined to go out of its way at every turn to break real-world logic and believability, functioning as head-scratchingly silly more than anything. It’s also not the fun kind of outlandish, with strange and cringe sources of comedy ranging from inexplicable mishaps on Hollywood sets and confusing legendary Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman’s name as Roy Aikman (the fact that the film takes place in Texas and the character possesses the knowledge about this but the correct first name is not only nearly impossible to wrap one’s brain around but a lame setup for humor in the first place) that boggle the mind and leave one questioning how the filmmakers thought any of this would be a worthwhile contribution to the characters or story considering it’s not even amusing or entertaining on its own.
Based on the novel Chocolate Lizards by Cole Thompson (also the film’s title at one point, and a superior one that fittingly conveys lighthearted playfulness), director Mark Lambert Bristol and screenwriter Julie B. Denny seem to lose whatever Accidental Texan wants to say about corrupt oil drilling and tumultuous father-son dynamics (the fiction that arises when a son chases dreams and does what he wants rather than something safer and more financially sustainable) within the awful comedy. Even the film’s means of getting Erwin (Rudy Pankow) mixed into the oil games being played within a small Texas town is over-the-top ridiculous, presenting him as an aspiring actor in a lead role accidentally destroying a set and scene somehow with his phone. In what feels like an over-exaggeration, he is fired and told he will never work in Hollywood again.
Perhaps this is overthinking it, but there is something anti-Hollywood/pro-conservative in a film where its lead is unceremoniously kicked to the curb only to wind up in Texas, slowly being taught and molded into their way in life, whether it be church or that there is never an inappropriate time to consume some alcohol. To be clear, Erwin’s car breaks down right outside town, which gets him involved with roughneck Merle (Thomas Haden Church), a well-meaning guy looking out for his oil rigging team, desperately in need of someone who can pose and act as a land consultant when negotiating for a drilling license. His competitors are in bed with the bankers, so it behoves everyone in town for Merle to strike this oil if it even exists. If Merle doesn’t figure something out fast, his entire team will be shut down and out of jobs.
If the minor details are off there, that’s only because, once again, Accidental Texan isn’t that interested in making sense of this world or the stakes, but rather, in goofy antics that aren’t funny. Everyone takes it at face value that Erwin belongs, allowing him access to records rooms (if it’s that easy to get inside, a case could be made that everyone in this town is so incompetent they don’t even need to hire an actor to make their lives easier) and backing off when he puts on a confident, southern accent.
Carrie-Anne Moss is given nothing to do living inside the diner she owns and operates, Bruce Dern pops up as a lovable curmudgeon and solution to some problems, and work offices will randomly get distracted and believe that there is cake downstairs even when the boss stresses point-blank that it’s not his birthday. Somehow, none of that is enough preparation for the more dangerous and violent Accidental Texas takes during its final 20 minutes. It’s almost insulting by the time the film comes back around pretending to care about those father-son dynamics, even if the performances are solid and keep things tolerable.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder is a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association and the Critics Choice Association. He is also the Flickering Myth Reviews Editor. Check here for new reviews, follow my Twitter or Letterboxd, or email me at MetalGearSolid719@gmail.com
