Unfrosted, 2024.
Directed by Jerry Seinfeld.
Starring Jerry Seinfeld, Melissa McCarthy, Jim Gaffigan, Hugh Grant, and Amy Schumer.
SYNOPSIS:
In 1963 Michigan, business rivals Kellogg’s and Post compete to create a cake that could change breakfast forever.
If there is a hilarious movie to be made about the corporate rivalry between breakfast juggernauts Kellogg’s and Post, it isn’t co-writer/director Jerry Seinfeld’s Unfrosted, which assembles a genuinely impressive ensemble of notable comedians and has them desperately trying to elicit laughs from goofy, satirical situations. Aside from a mascot mutiny that takes on the form of a recent horrifying political event, the big gags are entirely too forced and cringe. As a result, it somewhat becomes impossible to actually take the film in and retain most of its attempts at comedy, which are often structured and written with Seinfeld sitcom-style dialogue and punchlines. Taking the formula for a show famously funny for being about nothing and centered on terrible people doesn’t translate to a riff on the creation of Pop-Tarts.
At least there is a solid narrative reason for Unfrosted to be so ridiculous. Sitting in a modern-day diner next to a child (Isaac Bae), Jerry Seinfeld’s Kellogg’s executive Bob Cabana finds himself dismissing the origins of Pop-Tarts plastered on the box, making for a flashback experience that allows for what we see to be absurdly embellished. Jumping back to 1963, the story follows Bob entering a space race situation alongside Kellogg’s Edsel Kellogg III (Jim Gaffigan) to beat Marjorie Post (Amy Schumer) and her respective company to the punch, conceiving a new, exciting pastry breakfast option that, theoretically, could overtake cereal and phase out the need for paying mascots.
While there was a grudge between these corporations, most of this film is made-up nonsense, despite admittedly pleasing attention to period detail. Even the name Bob Cabana is fictional in Kellogg’s, but it exists in NASA’s history. Fittingly, Kellogg’s team also steals a NASA scientist named Donna Stankowski (Melissa McCarthy) to help get a leg up on the research. Meanwhile, Bob comes across two children dumpster diving for ingredients to combine and taste, noticing the use they can have in this process. There is also a crucial test sequence that feels like Oppenheimer (without the artistic and technical skill), now about Pop-Tarts.
As someone who truly doesn’t care what Jerry Seinfeld thinks about the state of comedy or whether he wants to tell offensive jokes or not (something surprising considering that his standup comedy is mostly safe, whereas the sitcom Seinfeld didn’t have anything morally objectionable regarding content warnings), the lingering observation here is that the concept of Unfrosted is only funny to him and the screenwriting team (which does consist of Seinfeld writer Spike Feresten, alongside Andy Robin and Barry Marder.)
Unfrosted feels less like a comedy film and more of a cameo parade, sometimes from actors one can’t help but wish they turned this down (Peter Dinklage, what the hell are you doing here playing a villainous milkman.) It would also be unfair to say that none of these actors generate small laughs, but the rapid-fire approach to jokes ensures that something is bound to land, even if the hit ratio is depressing. There is one mildly amusing running gag that Edsel Kellogg and Marjorie Post secretly want to be together, but much of the humor is irreverent without registering as funny. Part of the Kellogg’s team involves the obviously fictional process of bringing ’60s names into the fold, including Chef Boyardee…
Strangely enough, any time the mascots came on-screen (led by Hugh Grant’s ultraserious Tony the Tiger, who is only starring in these advertisements to work his way up to stage performances), the jokes somewhat work, possibly because mixing absurdism with mascots a winning recipe. The rest of Unfrosted is soggy. Aside from those rare exceptions, this is an onslaught of jokes and flailing performances that go by without making an impression.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder is a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association and the Critics Choice Association. He is also the Flickering Myth Reviews Editor. Check here for new reviews, follow my Twitter or Letterboxd, or email me at MetalGearSolid719@gmail.com
