Helen Murdoch presents the most inappropriate Valentine’s Day movies…
We’re at that time of year once again where the high street is littered with heart sharped balloons, teddy bears, chocolate and so on. If you’re planning to stay in and watch a movie remember to choose wisely. We’ve compiled a list of 5 of the worst films you could watch with your date on Valentine’s Day; you’ve been warned…
Blue Valentine (2010, dir. Derek Cianfrance)
There’s never been a more beautiful film about the disillusion of a relationship then Derek Cianfrance’s Blue Valentine. Charting the peaks and troughs of Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams’ relationship, Blue Valentine is a phenomenal film but definitely not one to watch for a romantic evening. Especially if you’re a new couple, as this film although exceptional will make you question what is the point of having any kind of relationship.
Teeth (2007, dir. Mitchel Lichtenstein)
The idea of putting on a horror film so that your date snuggles up to you all frightened is a sure winner, but Teeth is definitely one to avoid. A feminist horror like none other, Teeth tells the story of teenager Dawn who discovers that she has a physical anomaly that will make any man shudder with fear. As far as romance goes, if you watch this film then the likelihood is that you’ll be set at opposite ends of the sofa not looking at each other and you won’t be able to have sex for quite a while.
Revolutionary Road (2008, dir. Sam Mendes)
If you’re halfway through planning your wedding and fancy a nice night in on Valentine’s Day avoid Revolutionary Road. Exploring the relationship between 50s couple Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road is a riveting drama but it will put anyone off marriage and family. If you watch this movie hoping for a Titanic-esque reunion of DiCaprio and Winslet then you’ll be sorely disappointed.
Fatal Attraction (1987, dir. Adrian Lyne)
Coining a global phrase, Fatal Attraction is the quintessential bad date movie and will have men running for the hills wondering if their new girlfriend is a bunny boiler. Following the aftermath of Michael Douglas’ affair with Glenn Close, Fatal Attraction is one of the best thrillers ever made but it will kill a new relationship. The chance of a goodnight kiss after watching this one is remote at best.
Valentine’s Day (2010, dir. Garry Marshall)
Although it’s a film about the day itself, Valentine’s Day is such a superbly bad film that it’ll ruin any romance you had planned. Following numerous intertwined couples in the build-up to Valentine’s Day, the film doesn’t come together and instead of feeling heart warmed like any good rom-com, you’re left feeling cold and utterly bored. Boasting an all-star cast, there might be some eye candy on display but you’ll have to try and keep yourself awake to get a glimpse.
What are your suggestions for the most inappropriate Valentine’s Day movies? Let us know in the comments…
Helen Murdoch
Originally published February 14, 2013. Updated April 10, 2018.
