Marmaduke, 2022.
Directed by Mark Dippé.
Featuring the voice talents of Pete Davidson, J.K. Simmons, Julie Nathanson, David Koechner, Erin Fitzgerald, Mary Hart, Jason Anthony, Shelby Young, Sabra May, Terri Douglas, Brian Hull, Stephen Stanton, Andrew Morgado, Sumalee Montano, Johnny Yong Bosch, Nika Futterman, Melissa Disney, and Fred Tatasciore.
SYNOPSIS:
A legendary dog trainer believes he can help Marmaduke become the first Great Dane in history to win the Westminster Champion’s trophy.
Based on the animated comic strips of the eponymous Great Dane, Marmaduke is an uninspired, derivative, lifeless, cheaply produced, unenthusiastically voiced waste of time. And yes, that goes for potential children viewers, who also probably won’t care considering how boring the proceedings are and how unpleasant everything looks (including some hideous character models that are a cross between reasonably cartoonish and freakishly deformed, suggesting that no one on the animation team knows what a human being looks like).
I’m aware every parent’s instinct will be to throw this one on for the kids (especially given its ready availability streaming on Netflix). Generally, in a review, I would advise not to if something is lowest common denominator filmmaking disinterested in actually teaching a lesson or proving to be useful in one form or another. For Marmaduke, that still applies, but I couldn’t tell you what child would find entertainment in both something visually ghastly and low-energy.
Take Pete Davidson’s voiceover work for the family dog; he’s doing his trademark slacker routine, directly contradicting the canine’s frenetic and reckless behavior. Whether Marmaduke is jumping out the second story of a glass window and crashing into a swimming pool, effectively causing a scene and becoming a viral sensation, or training for an international competition (involving obstacle courses, among other tests), it’s as if everyone is sleepwalking through the entire creation of these scenes. Even the soundtrack is a series of riffs that play on an endless loop in the background rather than an actual score designed to go along with key plot points and emotional moments (Marmaduke bafflingly also goes for the heartstrings during its climax with shameless embarrassment).
The gist is that Marmaduke, while a lovable pet, seriously needs some house training. This draws the attention of a celebrated dog whisperer, convinced that he can both train Marmaduke and help the dog win a coveted competition, splitting the prize money with the family. As such, dad and mom (David Koechner and Julie Nathanson) are excited by those prospects, whereas their son and daughter become upset because that means less time to play with the dog, and they feel he is already a good boy. Once the competition is underway, cue shenanigans from a rival, egotistical dog (voiced by J.K. Simmons, and let me tell you, not even hearing him shout about wanting to rip Marmaduke’s floppy ears off of his head is enough to recommend someone watch this out of morbid curiosity) and his cheating owner.
It’s bad enough that Marmaduke is indisputably atrocious, but the third act starts introducing elements that awkwardly buy into stereotypes. Written by Byron Kavanagh and directed by Mark Dippé, Marmaduke is an affront to animation. When it’s not blindsiding how a feature could cut so many corners and come across so lazy, it’s just there on the screen, so bland it’s impossible even to get worked up about how terrible it is. There is slight chance kids might be able to tolerate it but trust me; they deserve better. We all do.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★
Robert Kojder is a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association and the Critics Choice Association. He is also the Flickering Myth Reviews Editor. Check here for new reviews, follow my Twitter or Letterboxd, or email me at MetalGearSolid719@gmail.com
