Anghus Houvouras on Batman and his libido…
Batman is the most awesome comic book hero. I really don’t think that requires any discussion. I’m sure there are those out there that could make a strong argument in favor of Superman or Spider-Man, but for the majority of the geek community Batman is the ultimate embodiment of super hero culture. I wrote about this last year on Batman Day if you’re interested in diving deeper into that cave. The marketing campaign for The LEGO Batman Movie sums it up nicely: Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman.
This discussion is going to be focused on one particular part of Batman that I don’t think gets explored enough. I’m talking about the area just south of Batman’s utility belt. The tool that the Caped Crusader uses far less often than batarangs, a grappling hook, or even Bat shark repellent.
Batman is the ultimate human specimen. A combination of brains and brawn that no real person can truly emulate. He’s got Stephen Hawking’s brain, Channing Tatum’s body, and a face that even the world’s prettiest man, David Beckham would envy. He’s like Brad Pitt in Fight Club with Neil deGrasse Tyson’s knowledge and wit.
In spite of being pure male perfection, Batman doesn’t get laid much. I know what you’re thinking; He’s Batman. He’s fighting crime in Gotham, obsessed with defeating evil and making the city safe. How can he have time for women when he’s teaming up with the Justice League to figure out how to defeat an intergalactic tyrant?
Batman may be the world’s greatest crime fighter, but when it comes to the ladies his track record is less than stellar. His tryst with Talia al Ghul didn’t end well. I suppose when the woman you’re courting’s father is an immortal warrior determined to take down civilization, there could be issues. Having Ras al Ghul as father-in-law wouldn’t be a picnic. Unless you like your potato salad with a side of genocide. Still, it produced the infinitely entertaining Damian Wayne who currently holds the role of Robin.
Bruce Wayne has had a long litany of lovers that crossed over into a number of adaptations. Vicky Vale, Julie Madison, Silver St. Cloud, Jezebel Jet (best stripper name ever), and Chase Meridian. For a while Batman was even getting cozy with Wonder Woman. In the DC animated movies we even got to see Batman and Batgirl hooking up. Fans seemed troubled by that idea, but it always made sense to me. Barbara Gordon has issues. Her father works for the impotent arm of the law in Gotham City, so she decided to emulate the only man in Gotham who gets shit done: Batman. I mean, come on. Textbook daddy issues mixed with idolatry; anyone who’s taken a couple of psyche classes knew this would lead to the bone zone.
Batman’s longest running relationship has been with Selena Kyle (aka Catwoman). After years of flirtation they have had brief periods of sweaty fun. Of course, some of them were the product of Poison Ivy or other coercion. However, it’s been made clear time and again that Batman and Catwoman have the kind of connection and sexual tension that would incinerate mere mortals.
I recently saw the cover to Batman #14 which shows Batman and Catwoman at it again. When they’re not fighting crime (or each other) they’re suppressing a level of attraction that must be difficult to control in skin-tight leather. And it got me thinking about the part of Batman that’s often left out stories featuring the Dark Knight: the man.
No matter how awesome Batman is, he’s only human. In spite of mental illness and the obsessive compulsive order that fuels his war on crime, there’s also a very human male in there who from time to time wants to get super freaky. Before you protest, let’s remember this is a guy whose entire identity revolves around a loosely assembled group of fetishes. I’m not saying Batman is a total freak, but if you don’t think there’s a few really weird fantasies knocking around Batman’s belfry, then I’ve got time shares to sell you in Metropolis.
Sometimes Batman is rendered boring by his complete and total control. Delving into his neurosis and seeing the cracks in his psyche help make the character more interesting. Much like the recent “I Am Suicide” arc, creators have found new ways to still make Batman interesting and relatable.
While we don’t need to see a Deviant Sex Slave Batman action figure at the next comic-con, a few more stories exploring the Dark Knight’s needs and wants could help flesh out the character even further.
Anghus Houvouras
Originally published January 15, 2017. Updated April 16, 2018.
