Cockneys vs Zombies, 2012.
Directed by Matthias Hoene.
Starring Georgia King, Michelle Ryan, Lee Asquith-Coe, Alan Ford, Honor Blackman, Richard Briers, Harry Treadaway and Tony Gardner.
SYNOPSIS:
A group of cockney bank robbers fight for survival after the East End of London is overrun by a horde of zombies.
Does anyone else think that the zombie genre is a little played out now? Not a weekend goes by where I walk down the DVD isle of ASDA to see another low-rent direct-to-DVD zombie movie effort from some first time filmmaker. However Cockneys vs Zombies is a film that comes with some credence. Several film critics gave it rave reviews when it had its short lived cinema run and the fan reaction to the movie has also been mostly positive. So with Cockneys vs Zombies being released on DVD and Blu-Ray today, should you consider picking it up rather than walking past it?
Sadly for the movie, one of Cockneys vs Zombies‘ biggest problems to overcome are the comparisons to Shaun of the Dead, which is a shame as other than having zombies in London, the two films share very little in common. For starters, Shaun of the Dead is a well made film.
Before I get to those complaints, let me just stress that Cockneys vs Zombies is hilarious. I laughed out loud at several moments throughout the films run time through dialogue, actions and plot devices. If you’re the sort of person who gets a good chuckle from the dialogue exchanges in films like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels then you will really get a kick from this movie. The characters themselves (for the most part) are also quite endearing which really adds to the films enjoyment levels. Had this movie reached Shaun of the Dead levels of popularity (which it may still do but I’m not holding my breath), it would be just as quotable among social circles.
However, this is where we reach our biggest problem. It may never reach those levels of fame because Cockneys vs Zombies is a badly made movie. I’m not talking about the look and feel of the movie, but I’m talking about the direction, angle choices, editing, scoring and pacing. For starters, there are some really bad performances turned out by the majority of the leads including Alan Ford in his best ‘doing this for the paycheque’ role and Michelle Ryan who is just awful in her dialogue delivery. But it was the editing that drove me to the point of insanity. For example, there is a scene towards the middle of the movie where they make an Indiana Jones joke and the punchline is told off-screen. How can this sort of first-class film school lesson be made in a movie which looks to have a sizeable budget!
On top of that, the pacing of the film is horrendous. I’m not just talking about the pacing of the film in general but the pacing of each scene is bad too. Some scenes where time could be spent on character development is rushed through and other scenes where nothing happens are given ample time. The action scenes don’t have any weight to them due to the lack of score which means you’re never invested in what’s happening. It almost feels like the score was left out by accident and I got a first draft cut of the film rather than the finished product.
I really wanted to like Cockneys vs Zombies, I really did. And to be honest, it’s probably worth watching just to see how truly funny the script is. Had this movie been handled with a little better direction and editing, it could have been one of the best movies I’d seen all year. But the entry level film school mistakes just make this a frustrating watch.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Luke Owen is a freelance copywriter working for Europe’s biggest golf holiday provider as their web content executive.
Originally published October 22, 2012. Updated April 11, 2018.
