Anghus Houvouras on finishing what Darth Vader started…
This Galaxy belongs to Star Wars. You’re either a fan or a small minority of contrarians who will try to avoid being trampled by the mob making their way to the cinema on December 17th. There’s so much to celebrate with Star Wars: The Force Awakens coming our way, but with the latest trailer and poster, I found myself hanging on two facets.
There’s that one line in the trailer, when the camera lingers on the burnt remains of Darth Vader’s helmet… and we hear:
“I’ll finish what you started”
Someone is setting out to finish what Darth Vader started? What ever could that be? Then the new poster comes out, and there’s a familiar orb like space station prominently featured.
Are they building another Death Star?
Why would someone want to try and finish what Darth Vader started? While evil and powerful, Darth Vader might be the worst strategist in the history of cinema. Let’s take a look at Darth Vader’s plans. After he swore his allegiance to the Emperor. After he decided that the Jedi were a disease that needed a cure. Let’s examine Vader’s plans and how successful they were.
1. Kill the Jedi
I suppose you say he completed some of this task. He certainly did a great job murdering all the defenseless younglings. As far as beheading seven-year olds go, Darth Vader was a massive success.
His plans go a little wonky when he tries to take down Obi-Wan. Getting all your limbs chopped off and being burnt to a crisp by molten lava certainly doesn’t constitute a win.
Success Rate: 50%
2. The Death Star
Creating a space station that levels planets = brilliant. The Death Star proved to be the most powerful space station in the Galaxy… for about a week. Sure, they blew up Alderan and silenced a billion souls… but did that prove any tactical advantage? A week or so later the Rebels show up, shoot a laser down a hole no bigger than a Womp Rat and blow the whole thing to smithereens.
A few years later, Darth doubles down on a second Death Star… which also gets blown up before it can blow up any planets. Two Death Stars only took down one planet. Pretty basic math here.
Success Rate: 25%
3. Crushing the Opposition
Darth Vader certainly talked a big, raspy game. He could choke you to death with his fingers and his intimidation skills were second to none, but over the course of the original trilogy he missed so many opportunities to take down Luke, Han, Chewie, Leia, C3P0, R2D2 and Lando.
In fact, after three films he only killed one main character: Obi Wan Kenobi; and old man who basically threw in the towel as a grand gesture to further the cause. I suppose you could argue that he chopped of Luke’s hand. I suppose we could give him a fraction of a percentage for that.
Success Rate: 14%
4. Betraying his allies
Here’s the one thing Vader really excelled at. He is exceptional at betraying his allies. In Revenge of Sith he turns on the Jedi… then in Return of the Jedi he turns on the Sith. The one thing you can count on with Darth Vader is that you can never count on Darth Vader.
Success Rate: 100%
So we’ve established that Darth Vader is a fickle, flip-flopping intimidator who failed at nearly every endeavor. This is the person whose plan you want to emulate? This is the strategy the Empire wants to hinge their Galaxy dominating hopes on?
Darth Vader’s plans weren’t very well thought out. Strategies conceived by a petulant child and executed with the skill of a three-fingered safe cracker. I wouldn’t entrust Darth Vader to plan a beach holiday much less a major, Galaxy conquering endeavor.
Perhaps the evil-doers of a Galaxy Far, Far Away should find another evil madman to emulate.
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Anghus Houvouras is a North Carolina based writer and filmmaker and the co-host of Across the Pondcast. Follow him on Twitter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL18yMRIfoszEaHYNDTy5C-cH9Oa2gN5ng&v=C_zu6XuI_g4
Originally published November 1, 2015. Updated April 15, 2018.
