Anghus Houvouras with this week’s disappointments from the entertainment world…
“Shia LaBeouf is watching all of his movies in a row”
They say you have to suffer for your art. That would explain why Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is in the line up. Speaking of fundamental story problems…
“J.J. Abrams says Super 8 and Star Trek Into Darkness had “fundamental story problems”
Either J.J. Abrams has been freebasing sodium pentothal, or directing Star Wars: The Force Awakens has made him feel invincible. Either way, it’s nice to hear the man readily admit the failings of some of his earlier works. I’m wondering if ‘fundamental story problems’ is code for ‘Damon Lindelof’? Speaking of…
“Damon Lindelof explains why he changed Prometheus from a direct prequel to Alien”
Because no one understands what audiences want better than Damon Lindelof. I certainly thought that while watching Tomorrowland. Only Lindelof was smart enough to know that what people wanted from a Ridley Scott helmed Alien movie was ‘no aliens’. Those pesky xenomorphs and face-huggers were getting in the way of what people really wanted from the Alien franchise: characters dumber than a sack full of doorknobs and a nonsensical plot.
“Universal has pulled Jem and the Holograms from theaters following dismal box office performance”
Shocking. Hard to believe a movie based on a popular children’s cartoon could fail so miserably. I mean, all they did was strip away everything that made the show unique and interesting and shit out a cookie cutter teeny bopper band movie. How could it have possibly failed? I think Jon M. Chu might need the number of Josh Trank’s Grief Counselor. Speaking of…
“Toby Kebbell on Fantastic Four: “The fans aren’t wrong”
The fans. The critics. The bootleggers forced to sit through the entire movie to produce a dimly lit online version of this monstrosity. Anyone unfortunate enough to have bought a ticket. Ushers who had to glimpse any part of the movie while checking the thermostat. Fantastic Four might be the most toxic movie ever. Everyone is trying to wash the stench away before it seeps into their pores and disintegrates their career. Speaking of poor choices…
“Johnny Depp to star in Gnomeo & Juliet sequel Sherlock Gnomes”
I’m guessing the announcement for Mordecai 2 is a mere formality at this point.
See you next week…
Anghus Houvouras is a North Carolina based writer and filmmaker and the co-host of Across the Pondcast. Follow him on Twitter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL18yMRIfoszEaHYNDTy5C-cH9Oa2gN5ng&v=lJSdv333_EI
Originally published November 14, 2015. Updated April 15, 2018.
