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Guardians of the Galaxy isn’t Star Wars, Chris Pratt shouldn’t be Indiana Jones, and other annoying fanboy rubbish

August 8, 2014 by Anghus Houvouras

Anghus Houvouras on comparisons between Guardians of the Galaxy and Star Wars, Chris Pratt for Indiana Jones, and other annoying fanboy rubbish…

Over the last few weeks the world was treated to Marvel’s amazing Guardians of the Galaxy. One of the most fun blockbusters released this century. It’s a ridiculously entertaining movie that deserves every penny it earns and every compliment it receives. This should be a time of celebration for fans of film and comics. It proves that blockbusters don’t have to be grounded or dark, that comic book movies can be more than dull origin stories that fall into a familiar framework.

In spite of all it’s successes, the online film community seems hellbent on smothering something fresh into a familiar box.

Every time I read “Guardians is the new Star Wars“, I wince. I cringe. The bile in my stomach stews. Let me make this perfectly clear:

Guardians of the Galaxy is not Star Wars.

It’s the laziest of comparisons. Why is it Star Wars? Because it takes place in space? Because there’s a furry character who flies a spaceship and a guy who has Han Solo’s swagger? Perhaps it’s because the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack features a lot of music from the 1970’s and Star Wars was RELEASED in the 1970’s.

Damn you people are lazy. Guardians is influenced by Star Wars, but the two films are so wildly different in terms of story, character, and mythology. The Star Wars comparison is so lazy, so much so in fact that I already wrote a column about it. Everyone wants to hang a medal around the neck of any sci-fi blockbuster that achieves four quadrant success. Why? Because fanboys are annoying and desperately trying to put everything in an easily identifiable box. We get a wildly original piece of space opera and geeks want to strip it down for parts. It’s such a lazy mindset of over the top fans and writers who can only speak in the language of the familiar. If you’re looking for lazy comparisons, there are a number of other films that you could compare Guardians to Army of Darkness for instance. I found Peter Quill to be more like Ash than Han Solo.

The same lazy logic applies to Chris Pratt, the breakout star of Guardians. I love Chris Pratt and have since the first season of Parks and Recreation. He’s a fantastic leading man who blends sincerity and humor. He carries the emotional weight of the movie. Before the credits even finished rolling people were screaming “Chris Pratt should play Indiana Jones!”

Sigh.

Why? Why should he play Indiana Jones? Sure, he has the physicality and charisma to play the role, but why would you want him to play a variation of the same character in another franchise? An actor does something awesome and original and his prize is the fans freaking out and calling for him to star in another franchise? It’s like watching an army of automatons bereft of original thought. Their minds wiped, only able to think in prefabricated constructs of the already existing.

Wouldn’t it be great if Chris Pratt took on some roles as characters that haven’t already been portrayed on film? Perhaps in a wholly original work well suited to his talents.

You know who should play the next Indiana Jones? Nobody. Harrison Ford was Indiana Jones, and he was fantastic in three of them. The less we talk about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the better. We don’t need a new Indiana Jones. We need movies like Guardians that are successfully inspired by movies like Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Movies by filmmakers who can channel the spirit of fun and adventure that made those movies so magical.

We also need fans who can see beyond the films from the past they so desperately cling to. Let the past be the past my friends, and let the Guardians of the Galaxy and Chris Pratt be something other than the movies and the characters you so pathetically obsess over. I feel like Shatner on Saturday Night Live declaring ‘Get a Life’ to the super fans who obsess over pointless minutia.

Does everything have to be discussed in the language of the franchise? Aren’t we capable of dreaming bigger darling?

Anghus Houvouras is a North Carolina based writer and filmmaker. His latest work, the novel My Career Suicide Note, is available from Amazon. Follow him on Twitter.

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