You Hurt My Feelings, 2023.
Written and Directed by Nicole Holofcener.
Starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moayed, and Jeannie Berlin.
SYNOPSIS:
A novelist’s longstanding marriage is suddenly upended when she overhears her husband giving his honest reaction to her latest book.
Writer-director Nicole Holofcener reunites with her Enough Said star Julia Louis-Dreyfus for her latest feature; a lighter-than-air character piece which examines what support in a relationship truly means over the course of 94 drum-tight minutes.
Beth (Louis-Dreyfus) is a New York author struggling to finish a follow-up novel to her well-received memoir. But when she overhears her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) – who’s read numerous drafts of the book – openly expressing his distaste for her new work, Beth is crushed. Viewing it as a massive betrayal of trust, the deception throws into question the entire dynamic of the marriage, and it may be a lie Beth is simply unable to forgive.
If the logline might sound a little sitcom-y, it nevertheless lays the groundwork for a deceptively complex examination of truth – and its elusiveness – in relationships both romantic and familial. Beyond the sometimes broad-to-a-fault humour, Holofcener’s script insightfully asks – how much honesty is necessary for a healthy relationship?
And while it’s hardly a shocker that no relationship is 100% honest, Holofcener probes how romance is innately predicated on our own ego, and that there’s such a thing as being too honest. While we’re not all novelists, we all need approval from our significant other in some form, and if you conflate your chosen hobby/practise/discipline so intimately with who you are, a lack of enthusiasm from a significant other can be devastating.
But it’s also a sign of insecurity and self-involvement, and You Hurt My Feelings makes no bones about Beth’s flagrant narcissism, as she clearly equates her husband lying about her book with, say, a more tangible betrayal like infidelity. It makes for a unique spin on tired relationship dramas about couples who fail to communicate; there’s no other love interest nor a lack of sex, but simply one person misrepresenting the truth for the sake of damage control.
It’s not much of a spoiler to say that this scenario gets flipped around several times throughout the movie, as Don – a therapist who just might be terrible at his job – and their son Elliott (Owen Teague) – who has ambitions to be a writer – wrestle with their own insecurities. And then there’s the fact that Beth runs a creative writing workshop in which she spares her class – who, remember, are paying customers – the indignity of ripping their terrible stories to shreds.
Beth’s predicament is further contrasted with her sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins) and Sarah’s struggling actor husband Mark (Arian Moayed). For while Sarah doesn’t love all of Mark’s performances, she knows to be his cheerleader and encourage him regardless, which perhaps is really what most of us want in life, whether we admit it or not. Holofcener’s script surmises it’s entirely possible to be proud of an accomplishment without loving what that accomplishment is, yet crucially remains winningly ambiguous on every last detail, right up to a playfully elliptical final scene.
And even if the low-stakes story – relatively speaking – doesn’t do it for you, it’s tough to imagine many not being rapt by Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ spellbinding performance. She could of course make reading the phone book interesting, but thankfully this ain’t the phone book. Louis-Dreyfus is simply a perfect choice to play wounded narcissist Beth, who while not entirely unsympathetic, after a while really needs to just get over herself. Watching her attempt to maintain her composure in the face of repeat humiliations is hilarious, and Louis-Dreyfus deadpans it wonderfully.
But the entire ensemble crushes it. First up, Tobias Menzies is a riot as husband Don; an aggressively shitty therapist who can barely even pretend to be mortified when he mixes up two patients’ stories. Owen Teague, something of an indie film fave in recent times, nicely underplays their 23-year-old son Elliott, who has complicated feelings about his worth as an artist and also his place within the family unit. Elsewhere Michaela Watkins and Arian Moayed bring cute contrast to the roles of Beth’s sister and brother-in-law, and the show is regularly stolen by real-life spouses David Cross and Amber Tamblyn, who appear several times as a squabbling couple in therapy with Don. I’d watch a movie consisting entirely of their verbal ping-pong matches, honestly.
If perhaps not the grandest or most “vital” work of its filmmaker’s career, the amusing specificity of the central predicament does help You Hurt My Feelings stand out among a sea of similarly polished, well-acted upmarket indies. Nicole Holofcener delivers a slight, breezy, wryly funny dramedy on honesty, insecurity, and ego in relationships. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is, unsurprisingly, magnetic.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★ ★ ★
Shaun Munro – Follow me on Twitter for more film rambling.
Originally published January 26, 2023. Updated January 27, 2023.
