My Pet Dinosaur, 2017.
Directed by Matt Drummond.
Starring Jordan Dulieu, Annabel Wolfe, Scott Irwin, Beth Champion, Rowland Holmes, and Harrison Saunders.
SYNOPSIS:
A troubled, military ridden small town is shook by the sudden rumours of extraterrestrials. When a young boy manages to give life to one particularly odd creature, he sets off a chain of cataclysmic events.
Matt Drummond is a filmmaker you’ll likely not heard of much. A fair assessment, given this is only his second directorial effort after 2014’s Dinosaur Island (the kind of bargain-bin kids movie you’ll probably not have heard of either). He’s a bit of a dab hand at visual effects though, with credits on various works, including the popular TV series Grimm. My Pet Dinosaur though is a title which tells you pretty much everything you need to know, given the context of the movers behind it – a bog-standard family drama that follows a young boy looking after a mysterious creature that people will inevitably try to investigate and, possibly, get rid of. In other words, another spin on the timeless wonder of E.T. with a strong dosage of How To Train Your Dragon thrown in.
Drummond, and Drummond alone (there’s no director of photography listed) opens the feature with a neon slime covered forest, lit by the sort of indeterminable lighting that is impossible by the glow of the moon. This mysterious goo is everywhere, sticky and icky, with guards patrolling the area scoping out what on (or off) Earth has happened. Then suddenly, with a jarring disregard for flow, we cut to a school in the height of day. Drummond’s aptitude as a filmmaker is definitely there, but his talents in the editing department leave much to be desired. There’s a scene where our early-teen hero, Jake (Jordan Dulieu) tries to re-enter his home after sneaking out. A classic movie moment for any adolescent-based film, sure, but Drummond strips virtually all the tasty suspense, ending it in a flash with virtually no consequence. Sometimes, scenes need to take place in real-time or the sudden movements or changes can be pretty disorientating or, at their worst, downright annoying.
Now there isn’t exactly a problem with making a film which is almost entirely a mishmash of other, superior fantasies, as long as you have all the necessary, pleasing elements working in tandem with one another. Here, they aren’t, with two major, critical components failing continuously. The first is the appalling script, also penned by the director, which is stuffed to the brim with dialogue about as naturalistic as, I suppose, an extraterrestrial would imagine who’d never heard human children. Distant is the amusing banter you’d see in say, The Goonies, or Stand By Me, and in place is repetitive chatter which banks on the hope that we won’t notice how bad it is as long as there’s a cute creature. Well, we do notice. Jake’s mum, Jennifer (Beth Champion) says “You’re in deep trouble young man!” beyond count throughout, as well as commanding one of the most unlikely telling-offs you’ll here from an angry parent: “You don’t have Charles fashion forgeries!”
The second is the ensemble’s delivery, which overall is extremely poor, with the adults across the board veering between nonplussed and budget pantomimic. The kids at least give an enthusiastic turn, but god they can be excruciatingly annoying, with the exception being Sam Winspear-Schillings as Max, one of the centre group’s compadres who constantly disturbs proceedings with his constant snacking and unwanted witticisms. He also steals the best line of the movie, in response to a character saying, “Look’s like the cat’s out of the bag”, he replies, “Somehow I don’t think it’s a cat…”
Drummond has a story he wants to tell, but can’t seem to fill the gaps between the good stuff (there’s another word which is a placeholder when he can’t think of something else to say, “stuff”). The list of clichés is too long to list, and their often melodramatic execution is so tiresome to watch. Sometimes, logic and reality are completely vacant, such as the spilling of chemicals on a pricey MacBook, or a video-chat application the boys use, in which they all stand in confounding positions in front of their computer.
But then there’s Magnus, the cute little dino at the core of the story. Drummond’s baby may be a little shaky on the rendering, but you immediately care for this creation, innocent and lively with a puppy-like nature that makes you want to pick him up and cradle him in your arms. The connection that’s attempted to be established between Jake and Magnus doesn’t last the runtime, but there’s a half-hour where it really, really works, and you’ll find a childish glee in watching. But the only other thing that’ll keep your ears perked up as the adventure plods along is Chris Wright’s music, a playful, ever-changing, if a tad too zealous soundtrack that compliments the events similarly to Dave Grusin, or even, at a push, John Williams.
But even with some great music and cutesy creature fun, this is a sub-par genre piece that is detrimentally boring, and furthermore, forgettable. The kind of film that would of premiered on Disney XD in their Minutemen and Skyrunners heyday.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Cameron Frew is a film critic who can be found on Twitter @FrewFilm. You can also find him on Facebook, or send an email to cameronfrew97@gmail.com.
