Warning. This article contains spoilers…
Los Angeles has a year left of potable water and tectonic shifts on active faults could cause the entire city to tumble into the ocean leaving nothing but a smoking crater in its wake. However, the biggest problem the city faces is something else entirely:
Their favorite TV shows being spoiled on social media.
Every week I see it online. Some entitled doofus who spends too much time on Twitter lamenting the time differential that puts them three hours behind for Prime Time Programming. Because of the delay between East Coast & West Coast, TV shows are seen, spoiled, and discussed online before they even have a chance to see them. There are entire discussion threads about the twist ending that just aired while our West Coast friends have hours to wait before they can join the conversation.
I understand the desire to avoid spoilers. You can’t blame the poor souls for wanting to watch their show unspoiled. There were many Walking Dead fans who hadn’t had time to watch the latest episode before the hashtag #Everybody Ate Chris was making the rounds. Those three words were enough to spoil the identity of the latest cast member to bite the dust. Even if you were avoiding conversations about the show, the popular trending hashtag just ruined your night.
Obviously, the solution to this problem is to avoid the internet in the hours before you watch your favorite show. Exhibit restraint and stay clear of social media for those important episodes. However, many of our West Coast friends have another idea. For example, Going the Distance screenwriter Geoff Latullipe who went to Twitter with this cry for sanity last night:
That’s right folks. You East Coast TV watchers who finish the show and go online to talk about it; you are ruining it for everyone on the West Coast who won’t see the show for another two hours, filling your Facebook pages and Twitter feeds with your thoughts. Sharing your excitement with other fans of the show. You insensitive pricks.
Don’t you understand there are entire time zones that haven’t seen the episode yet? There are millions of people in Los Angeles who haven’t watched the season finale of Empire, and you’re online spilling the beans. How do you sleep at night? Do you not have a soul? They invented television, god dammit. Show them some respect you amoral, classless hillbillies.
Certainly it would be easier for Geoff and his West Coast ilk to just stay offline for a few hours until they could watch for themselves.
Which of these two scenarios seems more likely:
A) Everyone who has seen the show avoids talking about it in detail for several hours.
B) One person who wants to avoid spoilers avoids Twitter/Facebook/Reddit until they watch the show.
If you picked “A”, you’re an idiot. And probably something of a selfish prick. Those entitled, West Coast a-holes who believe the world revolves around the 310 area code. The internet is a virtual minefield of spoilers. Only the idiots of this world would rage against the reality of people running to social media the moment they realized ‘Everybody Ate Chris’. The internet has not just become an outlet for discussions on film and television, but a synergistic partner. People enjoy discussing the shows as much as watching them. It’s a virtual water cooler and people are going to gather and start talking the minute the credits roll.
If you don’t want to be spoiled, stay away from the water cooler. It’s just that simple.
Anghus Houvouras is a North Carolina based writer and filmmaker. His latest work, the novel My Career Suicide Note, is available from Amazon. Follow him on Twitter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL18yMRIfoszFLSgML6ddazw180SXMvMz5&v=ONsp_bmDYXc&feature=player_embedded
Originally published March 21, 2015. Updated April 14, 2018.
