Black Water Vampire, 2014.
Written and Directed by Evan Tramel.
Starring Danielle Lozeau, Andrea Monier, Anthony Fanelli, Robin Steffen and Bill Oberst Jr.
SYNOPSIS:
A documentary film crew investigate a series of brutal killings known as the Black Water murders. As they delve deeper into the story, they stumble upon a horrifying secret. One they may not survive.
Who is actually responsible for a series of brutal killings in Black Water Creek? The victims have been found drained of blood and, in some cases, horribly mutilated. Could they really be the result of one man’s rage? This is the question that a young journalist and her team are hoping to answer but sadly for them, the answer they find is not what they were hoping for.
Although this may be a fairly unoriginal plot for a horror film, you’ve heard of worse right? Unfortunately not. It gets about as ‘worse’ as it can thanks to a few simple words: found footage film. These are the words that every modern horror fan dreads thanks to every found footage flick since The Blair Witch Project being completely identical.
Simply put, this film is a tedious mash-up of every horror staple you’ve already seen: distant noises, shrieking, a missing group member, creepy old people and terrible camera work to help you imagine it’s real (yeah right). Somehow, despite using every conceivable horror movie staple, this film still can only manage about as many jumps and scares as an episode of Spongebob Squarepants.
What’s probably most shocking about this film is the fact that the actors aren’t the biggest issue. They try their hardest to get a rise or a jump out of you but understandably buckle under the weight of a mediocre script and dreadful visual effects.
The only thing that may be worse is that the film even manages to ruin what little mystery it did conjure up by showing you the vampire itself. Thanks to the terrible effects, the first time the vampire is shown on screen you can’t help yourself giggling a little. Our big baddy in Black Water Vampire is clearly just a man painted grey with big Spock ears to give him an added vampiric look – utterly laughable.
All in all, if you like vampire films / found footage flicks, you may have a remotely passing interest in this film. For everyone else, please do not waste an hour and a half of your life on this film as it would be better spent watching beige paint dry.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★
Ozzy Armstrong is a Stargate and Rocky superfan. Follow him on Twitter.
