Moana, 2026.
Directed by Thomas Kail.
Starring Catherine Lagaʻaia, Dwayne Johnson, Rena Owen, John Tui, Frankie Adams, Jemaine Clement, Emma Puahi-Shapazian and Amaya Masoli.
SYNOPSIS:
Moana answers the Ocean’s call and, for the first time, voyages beyond the reef of her island of Motunui with the infamous demigod Maui on an unforgettable journey to restore prosperity to her people.
“It sucks” – Dwayne Johnson reprising his role as Polynesian demigod Maui, saying what’s on our minds watching this lazy live-action remake of Moana. No critic actually enjoys tearing down a film (or at the very least, the ones worth listening to don’t), so it stings having to come down honestly hard on a film embracing this culture and mythology that certainly got actors and crew workers from underrepresented groups hired when they otherwise wouldn’t have much to do in Hollywood. That is the only positive that has come from Dwayne Johnson allegedly pushing hard for Disney to do a live-action version of the animated gem while he is still capable of physically embodying the role, whether it be newcomer Catherine Lagaʻaia as the eponymous village daughter with great expectations placed on her by father Chief Tui (John Tui) or other supporting characters and background players attempting to bring a sense of liveliness and community to the island.
However, none of that is enough to justify this film’s existence. Perhaps if director Thomas Kail (who notably has worked with Lin-Manuel Miranda’s music before, directing the filmed version of Hamilton on Broadway), working with screenwriters Jared Bush and Dana Ledoux Miller, both of whom took part in bringing to life the first two animated features with the former directing, had any interest in putting his own stamp on the material rather than doing the uninspired shot-for-shot remake creative bankruptcy these reimaginings are typically known for, there would be something worth salvaging. And considering that the original film is just about to turn ten years old, it hasn’t even been around long enough for anyone to grow the kind of fondness that would leave them excited or interested in the live-action version regardless of where they stand on a relentlessly greedy endeavor that keeps yielding soulless movies. Worse, it also means that viewers will likely notice every shot from the original, even more so this time around, as it’s still fresh in the minds of those who have only seen it once, let alone countless times.
The story remains the same, yet it is no longer effective under this execution. There are suddenly no more fish to catch on the island of Motunui, compelling Moana to defy her father’s wishes of preparing to become village chief, instead following in the footsteps of her wayfinding family and listening to her supportive grandmother (Rena Owen) to go beyond the island’s reef and investigate. With nothing but a neurotic CGI chicken for company, she is searching for the legendary Maui, who is partially responsible for the disappearance of a nature goddess. If she can find him and they can work together to return its pounamu stone heart, they may be able to restore balance to Earth. That journey will require distracting a treasure-obsessed crab (once again voiced by Jemaine Clement) to reclaim Maui’s magical fishhook and defeating a fire god.
Moana is certainly the dullest of these live-action adaptations. What makes it all the more frustrating and insulting is that every time one of these remakes comes out, the criticisms are the same, to the point that if I wanted to, I could start plagiarizing my own reviews, lifting from different remakes to make a point. For starters, this is another remake that is either drained of color or so dark that the digital effects-heavy visuals look garish rather than colorful and popping, which, for some inexplicable reason, forces in CGI animal characters that are no longer amusing as intended when causing hijinks alongside real people. Not only does everything look off visually, but it isn’t blended into live-action with any semblance of seamlessness. The lone exceptions are Maui’s godly tattoos, which are still sentient and move around, or the occasional animated background that comes up during a musical number.
Like all the others, this remake is stuck between a rock and a hard place, where no one apparently realizes that making the exact same movie from animated source material changes the context of a bit. It wants to be a live-action cartoon without considering that watching Maui repeatedly toss Moana overboard – while rejecting his opportunity to right some wrongs and become a hero – isn’t cutesy but awkwardly loony. One would also presume that an experience that exists in such an uncanny valley would make for don’t-look-away morbid curiosity entertainment, but outside of the ridiculous hairpiece Dwayne Johnson is wearing (alongside the bodysuit that seems more concerned with embellishing his ripped body to back when he was a WWE performer rather than morphing him into something resembling his animated counterpart), yet Moana is lifeless and only springs alive when hearing the beloved songs.
Catherine Lagaʻaia acquits herself well belting out vocals regarding choosing her own destiny as a voyager, and Dwayne Johnson is still charismatic performing his song (although I have some suspicion that he isn’t actually singing live and that the existing song was just placed over the scene), but again, it’s all in service of a pointless redo not only for money this time but to satiate Dwayne Johnson’s egotistical request.
Forgive me for not remembering if this is a line from the original or not, but at one point, Maui says, “If I was wrong once, I would be humble”, which plays like a maddening line if you read into it on a meta level from Dwayne Johnson. It is almost fascinating watching the arrogance of Maui brought to life by an actor who might as well be playing himself here. He has been wrong, further hurt the DCEU by throwing his weight around, and believes that the iron needs to be struck while it’s hot for a live-action Moana remake. To reiterate, this movie is only turning ten, and the box-office tracking (which isn’t relevant to a film’s quality but is worth pointing out in this conversation) isn’t promising. Much like Maui, he will give a sarcastic wink of the eye and say, “you’re welcome.” Disney smugly says the same, committed to plunging the depths of its entire animated catalog for a quick buck, diminishing returns or not.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder
