Anghus Houvouras explains why he’s already sick of Star Wars…
It’s hard to believe it’s only been four months since Disney purchased Lucasfilm for $4 billion. I say that because the last four months have felt like a freaking eternity.
New Star Wars films has cranked the internet into overdrive. Rampant speculation has surrounded every aspect of the film. Every day brings forth new, mostly unfounded rumors that are likely to drive traffic to the sites and drive rational people insane. There was months of discussions regarding who would be tapped to direct the first new installment. And before J.J. Abrams was named there were at least a dozen directors discussed. Now that the project has a helmer, we’re learning that Disney wants to not only continue the series with a new trilogy, but also release standalone films. Once again, the internet cracked in half with speculations about Young Han Solo, Boba Fett, and Yoda films.
At some point this week all this baseless, unsourced Star Wars speculation went from a mild annoyance to downright frustrating.
Maybe it was the story that hit every corner of the net. A story about Fringe star John Noble being tapped to play the villain in the forthcoming seventh installment. Here’s snippet:
John Noble, Walter Bishop himself, is supposedly set to play the villain, at least according to some random radio host in Melbourne who revealed she “has it on very good authority that Aussie actor John Noble will be appearing as the villain.” – Movieweb
Every major website ran a variation on this story. Most of them with headlines like “IS JOHN NOBLE THE NEXT STAR WARS VILLAIN?”
Notice the question mark. In the age of internet reporting, it’s the clear sign that something is probably a) untrue and b) a lazily written piece.
Of course, days later, it turns out that even the basic source of the story, a “random radio host in Melbourne” did not in fact make such a statement. Totally made up. The crew over at Moviehole debunked the story. The Melbourne based radio hosts were two guys named Matt and Jo from Fox FM. Turns out they never said anything about Noble and Star Wars.
“I can confirm to you that this is as false as whatever hides under Pammy Anderson’s togs. This was not discussed on Fox FM, and neither Matt or Jo know anything about it. It was, in other words, simply the creation of a bored fanboy who masterfully tricked a few into running.” – Moviehole.net
And the thing is, everyone knew this story was about as authentic as Mark Wahlberg’s member in Boogie Nights. Like all internet rumors, there’s a small smattering of potential truth. John Noble was on Fringe, which was executive produced by J.J. Abrams. Abrams is directing Star Wars: Episode VII. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put together the possibilities. It’s conjecture, but it’s conjecture that still exists in the realm of possibility and so websites run the story knowing very well the slim likelihood of its authenticity. And because they add the question mark to the end of the sentence, they’re not really making any declaratory statement. They are simply posing a hypothetical. It’s like Jeopardy. Everything is fine as long as you pose your story in the form of a question.
Take a look at your favorite online film sites. How many stories a day are they running with question marks at the end? Those are the ones that don’t bother doing their homework. Here’s some examples I found just today at a number of popular sites.
What’s the first standalone Star Wars film to be made? – AintItCoolNews.com
I think Aint it Cool News invented the question mark headline. When you have no sources or basis in fact you simply add it to the end of a sentence and, viola, you can preserve a shred of dignity.
Frank Oz to voice Yoda? – Latino-Review.com
This one almost feels insulting. Since there has been no formal announcement about a Yoda film, doesn’t it seem almost idiotic to speculate on Oz’s involvement. I’m guessing that if there is a Yoda film, Oz would be the first choice. This particular story tells you nothing other than the fact that Oz would like to do it, should this film actually materialize. That’s a shocking piece of information there.
And this is why I’m already sick of Star Wars. Because the internet is intent on strangling this thing in the crib. Disney is going to spend the next twenty years milking the franchise. If you thought Lucas was over marketing the brand, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The market will be flooded with Star Wars product, which means websites will continue to run every half cocked rumor at warp speed. It’s only been four months, and frankly, I’ve heard enough.
Beware the question marks, my friends. It’s killing entertainment journalism. Oh, sorry. What I should have said was:
IS QUESTION MARK REPORTING DESTROYING ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALISM?
I think we know the answer.
Anghus Houvouras
Originally published February 12, 2013. Updated April 11, 2018.
